Lennon

Neil Lennon has angrily defended Celtic’s decision to hold a warm weather training camp in Dubai last week. 13 players and Lennon himself are presently self-isolating following the positive test of defender Christopher Jullien.

Distancing

“We tried to follow the protocols,” Lennon told Soccer on Sunday. “You start 2 meters apart, but by the 9th or 10th pint you’re nose-to-nose with Scott Brown belting out ‘My Heart Will Go On’ by Celine Dion. I’d be lying if I said our spittle didn’t end up in each other’s mouths. Especially when we hit the big high note in the last chorus.”

“Social distancing isn’t always possible,” said the former midfielder. “Take Ryan Christie — I find him face down in the pool, pull him out, and then accidentally vomit into his mouth while giving him CPR. Other than not drinking 11 Sambucas, what could I have done differently?”

“Hrmph,” belched Lennon. “Can someone hand me that bucket for a second?”