Neville Panhandling

Gary Neville is reportedly sleeping rough near Sky headquarters in London, offering punditry to passers by in exchange for food. The former Valencia coach’s fall from grace has alarmed former colleagues and fans alike.


Neville Squirrel“It’s hard to believe it’s him,” Colm Murphy (42) told Soccer on Sunday. “I was having a kickabout with my youngest in the park. Next thing I smelled something rotten, like maybe a squirrel had shit itself or died or someth’. But then I noticed Gary shuffling up behind us. He offered to analyse our kickabout for half a packet of Jaffa cakes.”

“My lad started crying,” he added, “so I shooed Neville back into the bushes with my lighter, waving the flame about at him.”


CarragherMonday Night Football pundit Jamie Carragher is shocked by his former colleague’s decline.

“It breaks my heart,” the Liverpool legend told Soccer on Sunday. “I see Gary outside the Sky office every day, peddling his punditry on the corner for a can of Tuborg here, a packet of Hob-Nobs there. He’s stopped taking care of himself. His moustache is out of control. If it isn’t trimmed back down to rat levels soon, he could choke on it.”

“And there’s not much of a market for street punditry,” added Carragher. “Tim Sherwood and Steve McClaren have most of London carved up between them. Maybe Gary could try and muscle in on their turf, but I hear McClaren is quick with a Stanley blade.”


NevilleNeville himself is confident that he will re-climb the punditry mountain.

“I’ll learn from this and come back stronger,” he told Soccer on Sunday. “We learn more from our losses than our victories. You eating that whole sandwich? I’ll explain the pitfalls of the Diamond formation if you leave me the crust?”