Neymar

Neymar has been ruled out of Wednesday’s tie against Barcelona and declared fit for his sister’s 25th birthday, PSG confirmed today. The Brazilian star has missed a number of European ties during early March throughout the seasons.

Sister

Neymar

“I would have loved to play against Barcelona,” Neymar told Soccer on Sunday. “But my sister isn’t going to plough herself into next week. She must be ploughed, and I intend to do the ploughing.”

“Ours is a proud history,” said the Brazilian international. “Neymar men having been hockeying their sisters sideways for 400 years. I will always uphold the tradition.”

“It is my duty,” added Neymar, noticeably erect beneath his silk pyjamas.