Odegaard

Martin Odegaard has completed a permanent transfer to Arsenal from Real Madrid following a successful 6 month loan. The Norwegian wasted no time submitting an immediate transfer request.

Doomed

“It’s wonderful to be here,” he told Soccer on Sunday. “But now I want to leave. Arsenal is a place of great sadness and pain. Everybody lurches around weeping, shrieking, yelling that we’re doomed. And that’s just the gaffer and his coaching staff.”

“I’ve enjoyed my time with Arsenal,” said the 22 year-old. “Only joking, it’s been shit. But have I improved? Has my game developed? I dare say it hasn’t, no. As I say, it’s shit here.”

“You’d think Ole Gunnar would throw a lifeline and sign a fellow countryman,” he added. “Last time I give him a sneaky handjob backstage at the Norwegian sports awards.”