Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has been sacked after a late equaliser at Bramall Lane consigned Manchester UTD to ninth place in the Premier League. The Norwegian had appealed for patience throughout his turbulent 11 months in charge.
“It’s heartbreaking,” he told Soccer on Sunday. “I told Ed I’d do anything up to and including sucking his dick for a few more months, but there was no budging him. So I got up off my knees, shook his hand, sobbed uncontrollably for a few minutes, threatened to kill myself, suffered a fit and had to be rolled into the recovery position while frothing from the mouth, and crawled out into the carpark with my dignity intact.”
“I’d like to thank my players,” added the former striker. “But I can’t. The cunts got me sacked, so they can all rot in hell, to be fair.”