Ranieri Fulham

Claudio Ranieri has promised Fulham fans that he will deliver the Premier League to Craven Cottage at the first time of asking following his appointment this afternoon. The former Leicester City manager has set his sights on Manchester City’s lead at the summit of the table, and welcomes speculation about a potential league and cup double.


Leicester's Claudio Ranieri“Start celebrating, is my message to the fans,” the Italian told Soccer on Sunday. “Pep will be shitting his skinny jeans, when he sees the Claudster bringing up the rear. Winning the league with a shit team is kind of my thing. The shitter the better, which is why Fulham is such a perfect fit.”

“Football is a simple game,” said Ranieri. “Promise the players pizza if they win, and become their uncle. Tactics? Formations? All nonsense. Pizza, uncle, bish-bash-bosh, collect your league medal.”

“City have a 27 point head start,” added Ranieri. “It’ll take me 5 games to rein that in. People say, ‘that’s impossible, there’s only 3 points for a win’. But I’m Claudio Ranieri. Last night I made sweet, sweet love to Beyoncé Knowles while Jay-z sat in the corner and kept his mouth shut. There is nothing I can’t do.”