Liverpool
A good team — not a great team. Expect the league to be clinched early doors
Man City
With Guardiola finally exposed as a foreign spoofer, expect City to go off a cliff and end up back where they belong in League One by 2023
Leicester City
I expect Leicester to hang on to 3rd, even if Rodgers does give me the creeps. It always feels like he’s undressing you with his eyes
Chelsea
Frank gets an easy ride with the English media, but I think he’s shite. Chelsea will bottle 4th and Frank will be a team captain on A League of Their Own by Christmas
Manchester UTD
Ole needs time, and I’ll thump the head off anybody who says different
Wolves
Who cares?
Sheffield UTD
Who cares?
Spurs
Put your house on Mourinho throwing a wobbler and blaming lockdown when everything turns to shit. I hate him
Arsenal
Graham Souness called Arsenal a team of son-in-laws. A flock of grannies, more like. Be lucky to scrape top 10, the spineless windbags
Burnley
Who cares?
Crystal Palace
Who cares?
Everton
What in the name of Christ is Ancelotti doing at Goodison? Have they compromising photos of him wearing suspenders while fisting a pig, or something?
Newcastle
Looks like Steve Bruce will be given a £200 million transfer war chest once the club’s sale goes through. Only joking, the new owners will obviously sack Brucey straight after touring the facilities
Southampton
Who cares?
Brighton
Who cares?
West Ham
Who cares?
Watford
Who cares?
Bournemouth
Good riddance
Aston Villa
Can you believe these cunts won the European Cup in the 80s? UEFA should take it back
Norwich
What kind of a name is Pukki? Good riddance