Solskjaer Denies Being at the Wheel

Solskjaer

Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has denied responsibility for the recent collapse in form that culminated in UTD’s 4 – 0 thrashing at Goodison Park yesterday. The Norwegian was awarded the job full-time after overseeing a surge of good results, but performances have since slumped.

Wheel

Solskjaer presser“I’m not at the wheel,” Solskjaer told Soccer on Sunday. “When results were going well I was, but then I stepped back to let others have a go and everything turned to shit. Mike Phelan, the gaffer, Ed Woodward — all those cunts were at the wheel, last time I checked. Now’t to do with me, to be fair.”

“And don’t forget Carrick,” added the former striker. “That sneaky shit is like Keyser Söze. Never lets go of the wheel, Mad Mike. I just leave him to it.”

Dismay

FerdinandRio Ferdinand has expressed dismay over Solskjaer’s comments.

“Hold on,” he told Soccer on Sunday. “Jesus Christ, is nobody at the wheel? Ok, everybody chill — I need to think. Step one, we need to find out if the wheel is a real thing, or just a metaphor. Step two, we need someone at the wheel — especially if it’s real.”

“Someone get me Paul Scholes,” added the former UTD captain. “It’s noon, so he’ll either be in the Paddy Power on Henshaw Street, or the tanning salon near Shaw Road. Let’s move, people.”