Solskjaer Frees Pogba from Underground Dungeon

Pogba Dungeon

Ole Solskjaer has freed French midfielder Paul Pogba from the dungeon in which he has been imprisoned since 2016. UTD’s new caretaker boss has pledged to demolish the network of cells José Mourinho had built beneath Old Trafford for punishing underperforming players and lady doctors.

Suffer

Ole“Paul’s suffered a lot,” the Norwegian told Soccer on Sunday. “It’s a long time since he felt the warmth of human contact, or a kind word. The lad burst into tears when I put my hand on his shoulder and told him it was going to be ok. He just kept asking, ‘Is the bad man gone?’ It’s my job now to show Paul that there is good in this world, because all he’s known since coming back to Manchester is darkness, and pain.”

“I don’t like to criticise other managers,” added Solskjaer. “But Mourinho is a cunt.”

Complacent

ScholesFormer teammate Paul Scholes has criticised Solskjaer’s start to his new role.

“Ole’s a good lad,” he told Soccer on Sunday. “But if he’s down in Mourinho’s dungeon to liberate Pogba, I can’t understand why he’s not freed the boy Fred too. And now it’s too late, because I’m hearing Fred was found dead from starvation in his cell this morning. Fred’s death is on Ole, frankly.”

“This isn’t a Mickey Mouse club like Stoke or Everton,” added Scholes. “It’s Manchester UTD. You’ve got to be consistent at this level when you’re freeing players from underground dungeons built by José Mourinho.”