Solskjaer on Liverpool Title Bid: “I’ll Play the Kids Against City”

Solskjaer and Klopp

Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has vowed to scupper Liverpool’s title bid by playing a weakened side when Manchester City visit Old Trafford next week. The Norwegian insists he is willing to sacrifice Champions League football next season rather than see UTD’s bitter rivals end their 29 year drought.

Kids

Solskjaer presser“I’ll play the kids,” Solskjaer told Soccer on Sunday. “There’s a little fatty in the under 15s called Frank something or other. Two terrible feet, turns like an oil tanker, soft in the tackle, can’t pick a pass — so Frank will start in midfield and captain the side.”

“And there’s another lad called Peter Guy,” added the former striker. “Or is it Guy Peters? Scrawny cunt with a wonky eye who tore his ACL for the under 16s last month. We’ll rush him back against doctor’s orders and stick him on the wing. He’s a goalkeeper, so I’m expecting terrible things from Peter Guy, or Guy Peters.”

Porky

Guardiola BoredPep Guardiola has insisted that his side will not underestimate UTD.

“We’ll double up on that porky little Frank kid,” he told Soccer on Sunday. “He’s deceptively fat, so my players will need to adapt to waddles rather than runs. If Frank comes waddling into the channel, we need to close off that space before his stubby legs can unleash Guy Peters.”

“Or Peter Guy,” added Guardiola.