Southgate Signs New 53 Year Contract Extension

Southgate

Gareth Southgate has signed a 53 year contract extension that will see him continue to manage the Three Lions beyond his 101st birthday in 2071. The FA wasted no time securing their man following England’s one goal demolition of Spain in Seville.

Honour

Southgate“It’s a huge honour,” Southgate told Soccer on Sunday. “But with a 53 year contract extension comes pressure — not just for results, but to not die. I’ve made a commitment to still be alive in 2071, and I intend to honour it.”

“Will I extend again in 2071?” said Southgate. “I’ll sit down with the FA once I turn 100. A lot will depend upon whether I’m a drooling vegetable being kept alive by little more than the wonders of modern medicine. I’ll know myself it’s time to step away if I haven’t spoken or moved in several years.”

“I promised Alison I’d retire in the next year or two,” added the former Middlesbrough defender. “So as you can imagine, she’s not best pleased that I’ve signed on the dotted line to stay on until I’m thereabouts the oldest person in the world. Probably I should have run it past her. I’ve got some explaining to do at home, believe me.”