Gareth Southgate has launched an astonishing attack on Phil Neville following England’s semi-final exit from the Women’s World Cup in France. The Lionesses fell 2 -1 to the United States, having missed a late penalty and had an earlier effort ruled out by VAR.
“Lionesses?” said Southgate. “Bottleresses, more like. I respect Phil, but he gave it the large like Bertie Big Bollocks, and the ladies — who frankly, are otherworldly creatures of breathtaking sexiness — haven’t delivered. The PC brigade will probably have my guts for garters for saying this, but a sexy bottler is still a bottler.”
“Phil will be hurting now,” added the former Middlesbrough manager. “My advice is to dust yourself off, go back to the drawing board, and stop copying my waistcoat look. Find your own style, you doppelgänger cunt.”
Gary Neville has urged the FA to make a swift decision on Phil Neville’s future.
“Sack him,” the Sky Sports pundit told Soccer on Sunday. “It’s well documented that myself and Phil go way back — the woman who gave birth to me was Phil’s mother, and my dad was also Phil’s dad on the paternal side.”
“Let me explain,” added Neville. “Consensual missionary sex between his mother and my father on two non-consecutive occasions resulted in me, and then him. Brothers, you’d probably call it nowadays. As I say, this is well documented.”
“To be honest, I never thought Phil was sexy enough to lead the Lionesses,” said the former UTD defender. “The ladies are like a chorus of otherworldly sirens from the planet Fox, and then you’ve got Phil creeping about nearby like a waistcoated perv. I was never comfortable with it, and I don’t think there’s many that were, to be fair.”