Southgate to Physically Beat Misbehaving England Players

Southgate

Gareth Southgate has confirmed that he will physically beat players who break Covid-19 protocols or otherwise misbehave while on international duty. The England boss has disciplined numerous players over the last 12 months.

Beat

Southgate“The nicey-nicey approach hasn’t worked,” Southgate told Soccer on Sunday. “Warnings, removals from squads — maybe violence is all the boys understand. So the next cunt to step out of line is getting a beating, if you’ll pardon my french. I don’t care if it’s someone good like Harry Kane, or if it’s Jordan Pickford.”

“It’s important to be measured,” said the former Middlesborough manager. “Breaking curfew might just be a backhander across the cheek, or a stiff knee to the groin. But strange women in your hotel room? That’s my staff holding you down while I unleash hell across your back with the lead from a kettle.”

“Go on, test me,” he added, reaching for a nearby kettle.