Raheem Sterling has narrowly edged out Adolf Hitler in an online poll to determine the most hated human being in history. The ruthless Nazi dictator received a healthy 32% of the 12.7 million votes cast worldwide, but a late flurry of voting on Sterling was enough to clinch top spot for Manchester City’s toxic gargoyle of pure evil.
“I’ve never done anything wrong,” arrogant prick Sterling told Soccer on Sunday. “I try my hardest on the pitch, and I take care of my kids and my mum. To be likened to the mastermind of the Jewish holocaust is disappointing, to be fair.”
Satan’s mouthpiece did not stop there.
“I live my life by the golden rule,” said the living embodiment of all that is shit in the universe. “Treat others as you’d like to be treated yourself. I’m kind to my family, my friends and my neighbours, and courteous to fans.”
“I don’t know what else I can do,” added the foul-mouthed little shitebag, before storming out of the room at walking pace and sexistly holding the door for a female reporter (#metoo #timesup).
At time of publication, it is not clear whether Sterling is sitting in his hotel room drinking the blood of a newborn kitten.