Bruce Newcastle

Steve Bruce has signed his own son Alex from Kilmarnock for a reported £23 million as he looks to strengthen his Newcastle squad for the coming season. Bruce previously signed Alex during stints at Birmingham and Hull, and is hoping the 34 year-old can make an impact.


Bruce Presser“Alex will struggle,” Bruce told Soccer on Sunday. “He’s not achieved anything at this level, so I don’t know why this time would be different. But I haven’t signed him in a while and herself indoors has been in my ear. People will look at a five year contract for a 34 year-old and ask why I’ve blown the whole budget on a third rate journeyman — all I can say is you haven’t met my missus. She’s like an angry hyena, in and out of the sack.”

“He’s a good lad, Alex,” added the former UTD defender. “We go way back. I fertilised him with my penis when he was only an egg, and we’ve been close ever since. Horrible footballer, but in terms of passion and desire? Lacking in those departments too, if I’m honest.”

“What was the question again?” said Bruce.