Stoke Can’t do it on a Rainy Night at Stoke, Report Shows

Stoke Rain

Stoke City can no longer do it on a rainy night at Stoke, a new report has shown. The Potters sit just above the relegation zone in 17th place, and stats suggest that their home form is particularly poor during adverse weather.


“It’s a worry,” admitted Mark Hughes. “People wonder whether other teams or players can do it on a rainy night at Stoke. But we never thought Stoke wouldn’t be able to do it on a rainy night at Stoke. Now we have to look ourselves in the mirror and ask why we can’t do it on a rainy night in Stoke. I mean, we live there. And also, we are Stoke. So if anybody can do it there, it should be us.”

“I didn’t believe it myself until I looked at the report, and it was there in black and white,” added the former Manchester UTD striker. “We don’t seem to be able to cope with a cold, wet night in Stoke. Which is a particular problem for us, because we are Stoke. All our games are like that.”


ShaqiriMidfield maestro Xherdan Shaqiri admits that he finds the wintery conditions in Stoke-on-Trent challenging.

“No disrespect, but it’s a soggy frozen shithole,” the Swiss midfielder told Soccer on Sunday. “I turned up for an evening game a couple of weeks ago. It was raining and my testicles were showing signs of frostbite. I said, ‘Gaffer, I can’t do it’. ‘Can’t do what?’ he asked. ‘It’, I said. Joe Allen started a slow clap, and the rest of the lads stood up one by one and said they couldn’t do it either. Then we went out and got spanked 3 – 0 by Liverpool. So we were spot on.”