Sturridge

Daniel Sturridge has ruled himself out of Liverpool’s next penalty shootout with cramp. The England striker has already been criticised for shying away from Sunday’s cup final shootout. “My hamstrings are stiff as boards,” a tearful Sturridge told Soccer on Sunday. “Any shootout in the next 18 months will likely have come too soon. That includes the Euros.” Club physio Chris Morgan is happy with Sturridge’s progress. “There was some concern that he’d be too cramped to drive his Ferrari,” Morgan told Soccer on Sunday. “Daniel’s a tall lad, and those cars haven’t much leg room. But hat’s off, he showed heart to power through and drive himself home.” Sturridge reportedly received a standing ovation from his teammates.

 

Gary Neville Accidentally Learns French

NevilleValencia boss Gary Neville has suffered another setback, admitting that he spent the last several months accidentally learning French rather than Spanish. “It struck me as odd,” he told Soccer on Sunday. “4 hours of lessons a day, but my message still wasn’t getting through. I’d fined every member of the squad for not following instructions, before Le Penny dropped.” The former UTD full-back, who now holds a degree in French, is expected to clear out the squad this summer in favour of British and French born players. “I’ll be damned if I’m starting again with Spanish,” he said.

 

Michael Owen Reignites Beef with Kanye West

Michael OwenMichael Owen has reignited his feud with hip-hop artist Kanye West. The two megastars had quashed their beef after several years spent taking potshots at one another, but Owen has once again taken aim at West in a diss track titled “Can’t-ye West”. Among the lyrics: “You come at The King, I’ll slam you like John Cena. I’ll score with your ‘Ho Kimmy, like I did against Argentina.” West has expressed disappointment. “I don’t know what Michael’s problem is,” the multi-platinum selling artist told Soccer on Sunday. “Bringing my wife into this is very hurtful.”