Swansea Docked 1 Point and Relegated Over Hotel Scandal

Swansea devastated

Swansea City have been relegated to The Championship after conspiring to disrupt the preparations of rivals Southampton earlier this week. The FA docked Swansea 1 point for their part in cancelling Southampton’s booking at The Marriott Hotel, leaving the Welsh club 4 points from safety with only 3 to play for.

Fault

Carlos Carvalhal“I take full responsibility,” Swansea manager Carlos Carvalhal told Soccer on Sunday. “It’s not The Marriott’s fault. I rang Mark Hughes pretending to be a hotel receptionist called Samantha, and told him there was a huge outbreak of the shits. I said it was being treated as a Brown Alert, and we had no choice but to cancel all bookings.”

“Mark was quite flirtatious,” added the Portuguese manager. “He told me that I had a sexy voice and asked what I was wearing. It was only when I declined to give him a hand-job under a nearby bridge that he became angry about the cancelled booking.”

“I’d like to apologise to the fans,” said Carvalhal. “If I’d known we might be relegated, I’d have thrown on a wig and went straight to the bridge. Not giving Mark Hughes that hand-job will haunt me for the rest of my days.”

Denial

Hughes has denied Carvalhal’s account of events.

“This isn’t about hand-jobs,” the former UTD striker told Soccer on Sunday. “We could stand here and argue about who offered whom a hand-job until the cows come home. The reality is that Swansea engaged in dirty tricks and they’ve been rightly punished. It’s not the FA’s job to police hand-jobs, but it is their job to ensure a level playing field.”