Tim Sherwood Leicester

Tim Sherwood has been appointed manager of Leicester City on a 5 year deal following the sacking of Claudio Ranieri. Having won the Premier League with Blackburn Rovers in 1995, Sherwood believes he is the right man to rebuild confidence at the King Power Stadium.

Passion

Sherwood“It’s about passion,” the former Spurs midfielder told Soccer on Sunday. “Some managers demand 110%, but I demand 120% from my lads. That extra 10% is what gives my teams an edge. Surprised nobody else has thought of it before. I’d ask for 130%, but I did that once during a reserve team game at Villa and 6 or 7 players died. So the FA asked me to cap it at 120%, for health and safety.”

“The fans can forget tippy-tappy football,” added Sherwood. “If they want to see pretty things, go to a Girls Aloud concert. People say the ginge doesn’t pass muster, but I’d throw her a length of Sherwood prime sausage. Especially if the other four weren’t keen, the uppity mares.”

“Tactics?” said Sherwood. “Veins bulging out of temples is what Leicester Town needs, not tactics. I’ll inspect every temple on matchday, and if there isn’t a vein I can pull away from the skull and twang like a rubber band, that player won’t be available for selection.”

Medals

SchmeichelFoxes Goalkeeper Kasper Schmeichel admits that the new manager is intense.

“We were told to bring our league medals to the landfill in Gypsum Close this morning,” he told Soccer on Sunday. “The gaffer said the past is the past, and chucked them all in. We thought it was just symbolic, but then he reversed up a cement truck and poured 18 tonnes of cement in on top.”

“There’s a chance Dannydrinkwatersy might have fallen in,” added the Dane. “One minute he was there, and the next he wasn’t. No one’s seen or heard from him since. If he did topple in, at least he’s buried with his medal. Still sad though, in my book. It’s never nice to see a teammate getting buried alive by Tim Sherwood.”