Trent and Gareth

Trent Alexander-Arnold has announced his retirement from international football at the age of 22 and a career spanning 12 caps. The full-back was controversially omitted from Gareth Southgate’s most recent England squad.

England

“The time is right to step away,” Alexander-Arnold told Soccer on Sunday. “I’d like to thank the England fans and all of the staff except Gareth. Obviously it’s every player’s worst nightmare to be omitted in favour of Kieran Trippier, and I’m no different. Whether Trippo has photos of Gareth sucking off a homeless man or something, that’s for the gaffer to clarify.”

“Never say never,” said the Liverpudlian, when asked if he’d ever consider a return to international football. “If the conditions were right and Gareth did that walk of shame thing from Game of Thrones around Wembley, then who knows? So long as the gaffer was properly spat on and pelted with cabbages.”

“I wish the boys well,” he added. “Except Gareth, obviously.”