The US have confirmed that F16 fighters last night shot down the penalty taken by Harry Kane against France in December. Tensions between the UK and US are at an all-time high following the incident.
“I don’t know who this Harold Kane is,” President Joe Biden told Soccer on Sunday. “But if these Limey fucks want war, it’s war they shall have. Last night I authorised the Joint Chiefs of Staff to re-point our full nuclear arsenal at the last known address of this Harold Kane in Essex. I will vaporise Mr Kane and half of Europe with him.”
“The time for dialogue is over,” said the octogenarian. “My message to Prime Minister Sunak is, hand over this ‘Kane’ or suffer the consequences you uppity, Limey fucks. We kicked your asses in 1776, and this time we’ll finish the job with some nice, tasty nukes.”
“Deliver Kane,” added Biden, thumping the podium. “You have 24 hours, you pasty-faced, Limey fucks.”