UTD Offer Jesse Lingard Plus £2.99 For Set of Cones

Manchester UTD have offered Championship strugglers Luton Town Jesse Lingard plus almost three british pounds in exchange for a set of training cones. Luton, who are thought to value the cones at around £12, have branded the bid “insulting”.

Wanker

Solskjaer“I don’t like to talk about other team’s cones,” Ole Gunnar Solskjaer told Soccer on Sunday. “But we feel that three pounds plus Jesse Lingard is a generous offer. Goals, assists, passing — obviously Jesse can’t do any of those things. But as I say, the deal also includes cash.”

“Jesse’s gotten his head right,” said the Norwegian. “He’s down to only 23 hours a day on Facestagram. Last season that would have been 25 hours a day, so the boy’s got his focus back.”

“Would Jesse improve Luton?” added Solskjaer. “No, I dare say he wouldn’t. Should I be saying that publicly? No, it’s suicide. Ed’s going to slap me around the Old Trafford boardroom again, to be fair.”