Virgil Van Dijk has allegedly vandalised Ole Gunnar Solskjaer’s house prior to vacating the luxury property earlier this week. The Dutchman is reported to have caused £200,000 of damage after being served eviction notice.
“It’s disappointing,” Solskjaer told Soccer on Sunday. “Ripped up floors and holes in walls are one thing, but genital graffiti crosses a line for me. In Norway the penis and balls are sacred. We worship them like gods, so what Van Dijk has done is sacrilege. Muslims go berserk if you draw Muhammad, and Norwegians do similar when they see a big, huge hairy pair of balls.”
“And taking a shit in a bath lacks class,” added the former striker. “I think Virgil will be disappointed when he’s had a chance to review the selfie footage he sent to my wife. Nobody likes to see that kind of thing. Shitting in baths has no place in football, to be fair.”