Angry Van Gaal

Louis Van Gaal has threatened to physically assault former midfield playmaker Paul Scholes. “The criticism stops now,” said Van Gaal in an interview with 4-4-2 magazine. “It stops now, or I come to the house of Mr Scholes and I smash his stupid head in with a shovel”


Messi Likens self to Vardi

VardyLionel Messi has likened himself to Leicester City striker Jamie Vardi, in comments that are likely to raise eyebrows. “There’s do doubt that Lionel could one day reach Vardi’s level,” said former Barcelona coach Frank Rijkaard. “He has the ability. But he’s a way to go yet.”


Owen to Visit Space

OwenMichael Owen will become the first footballer to visit space, having been drafted into NASA’s Orion 1 program. The former England striker will be launched in a specially designed capsule in the general direction of the sun, as part of billion dollar research into the effects of weightlessness on sports punditry. When asked how the Englishman might eventually be retrieved, program director Mike Dryden said, “we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”