Vardy and Arsene Wenger

Jamie Vardy has issued a ‘come and get me’ plea to Arsene Wenger. The Leicester hitman recently turned down an offer to join The Gunners, but feels he was misled about the ambitions of certain teammates.

Betrayed

Kante“Kanté sold me a kipper,” the England international told Soccer on Sunday. “We talked on the phone last month and he promised that he was staying put. Then I heard John Terry in the background asking to see a wallet photo of his girlfriend. Turns out N’Golo is a lying N’Git.”

“And don’t get me started on that Mahrez shitebag,” added Vardy. “He swore blind that he was going nowhere. Next thing his phone rings and a picture of Wenger comes up as ‘Gaffer’. The ringtone was Maybe it’s Because I’m a Londoner. He’s a slimy git Mahrez, but if he’s off to The Emirates I’m riding shotgun.”

Ranieri

Leicester's Claudio RanieriClaudio Ranieri insists that Vardy is going nowhere.

“He is a thoroughbred,” the Italian told Soccer on Sunday. “Mahrez and Kanté, also thoroughbreds. Take them away and I am left with a herd of donkeys, eee-aww’ing around the pitch, colliding with one another and so forth. I cannot win the Grand National with donkeys.”

“Take Huth,” added Ranieri. “Hand-feed him a carrot and he will gallop through a brick wall for you. But no amount of carrots will squeeze 20 goals a season out of Robert Huth. I am not Dr Doolittle.”

Wenger

WengerArsenal manager Arsene Wenger is open to pursuing Vardy for a second time.

“We need a Vardy,” the Frenchman told Soccer on Sunday. “A poacher who can get us far enough ahead to stay in the Top 4 when we collapse in February. That is always our goal.”