Arsène Wenger has performed an astonishing U-Turn on his decision to leave Arsenal Football Club at the end of the current season. Less than six hours since his announcement, the Frenchman confirmed that he will remain in charge for the 2018/2019 campaign.
“I’m staying for the fans,” Wenger told Soccer on Sunday. “Usually they’re shitebags, but the outpouring of good will when I said I was leaving was so touching that I thought, ‘Fuck it, I’ll stay.’ I can’t stand football, if I’m being honest. It’s a poor man’s cricket, but a living is a living.”
Wenger refused to rule out staying beyond the 2018/2019 season.
“If I’m fit and healthy, why not?” said the former Monaco manager. “I have literally nothing else in my life. I haven’t spoken to a human outside of football since the 80s and my best friend is a labradoodle called Denis Barkcamp. My house has no furniture — I’ve been sleeping naked in a bathtub under a grey Parka jacket since 1996.”
Long-time Wenger critic and Arsenal Fan TV star ‘Troopz’ has slammed the U-Turn.
“I want blood, blood,” he told Soccer on Sunday. “The missus won’t thank me for this, but I bought a shooter off Dodgy Dave for a monkey down the canal a few minutes ago, and I’m off to The Emirates now to shoot Wenger in his fraud face, blood. It’ll probably mean a spell inside and what not, but where has not murdering Wenger gotten us, blood? Nowhere, blood. That’s where, blood.”
”Blood,” he added.