Frank De Boer Sacked as Crystal Palace Manager
Frank De Boer has been sacked as manager of Crystal Palace after losing all four matches of the new season. In an unusual twist, chairman Steve Parish has announced that…
Benteke Liverpool Rant: “Take That You Scouse Shitebags”
Christian Benteke has launched an astonishing attack on his former employers. The striker scored twice on his return to Anfield, all but ensuring Crystal Palace’s survival while denting Liverpool’s top 4…
Alan Pardew Takes James McArthur Hostage Following Sacking
Hostage negotiators have arrived at Selhurst Park following the news that Alan Pardew has taken James McArthur hostage at gunpoint. CCTV footage released by Scotland Yard shows the recently-sacked Crystal Palace manager…
Benteke Out for Season with Zika Virus
Crystal Palace have been dealt a cruel blow with the news that Christian Benteke has contracted the Zika virus. The €32 million club record signing will be unavailable for selection…
Roy Keane Previews The Premier League Season
Roy Keane writes exclusively for Soccer on Sunday. Arsenal Put your house on The Gunners being out in front at Christmas, before shitting their pants and collapsing in February. Shower of bottlers. Bournemouth Eddie Howe’s…
Pardew Slams Carragher Again in Program Notes
Below is a leaked copy of Alan Pardew’s program notes for Crystal Palace’s forthcoming home tie against Norwich. NORWICH seem to be hitting form just as we welcome them to Selhurst Park.…
Palace Squad to be All Cockney by 2020
Alan Pardew has spoken of his ambition to produce an all Cockney Palace squad by 2020. The controversial Jackie Chan will see 14 non-London born players lose their Dog’s Knobs. Some have called the…