Mark Lawrenson releases sex tape
Mark Lawrenson earned widespread praise and a legion of female admirers last night when he released a video of himself having sex. The 8 minute clip features the former Liverpool defender in a…
Klopp accidentally kills Joe Allen
Midfielder Joe Allen has been killed after a congratulatory headlock from manager Jurgen Klopp snapped the Welshman’s neck. Allen had just scored a goal during a training 5 aside when Mr Klopp…
Sturridge’s tendons replaced with slinkies
Medical experts have confirmed that slinkies exist were several of Daniel Sturridge’s tendons should be. It is unclear how the popular children’s toys found their way into Sturridge’s body, or whether the anomaly might be…
Klopp performs miracle
Jurgen Klopp has performed his first confirmed miracle at Liverpool football club. “We couldn’t start training, because the ball was flat,” said eyewitness Jordan Ibe. “So the gaffer lays his hand…
Ask Brendan Rodgers
Balotelli. Seriously, what the fuck Brendan? Steven, Liverpool Yes, that’s an outstanding question. Mario worked very hard, and obviously he didn’t score as many goals as he would have liked.…
Klopp chases Dejan Lovren into nearby forest
Manager Jurgen Klopp has wasted no time stamping his authority at his new club. Fifteen minutes into his first training session, the charismatic German reportedly chased under-fire defender Dejan Lovren…